Cultivating curiosity about our patients can make all the difference to their care

My mother lay there, day after day, waiting for the time to come. She had cancer and was terminally ill, with only a few days left to live. She was unconscious and cachexic, the toll of the disease evident. At 83 years old, she had grey hair as she could no longer visit the hairdresser. Before this illness, nothing would have got in the way of her weekly hair appointments that she had enjoyed for so many years.

The deterioration in her health had been rapid. Until quite recently, she had been an active woman who had enjoyed cooking, gardening, and looking after her two young grandchildren while their parents went to work. Now she was frail and bedbound.

When she was admitted to hospital for the final time, nurses attended to her needs, bringing her food and medication as required. They came and went, chatting to me as they went about their jobs. They all merged into one as my hurting brain took the situation in. Apart from one. Her words will stay with me forever. “Did you mum work?” she asked, followed by, “What did she work as?”

This nurse was interested in my mum as a person, not just as a patient. It meant the world to me.

She was not just an old, frail, bedbound, confused, terminally ill patient. She was a retired teacher who was a mum, wife, grandma, and who, until very recently, had lived a full and active life. She was not ready to die yet. Sadly, cancer had other ideas.

It reminded me of doing home visits when I was a GP. Seeing photos of patients with dementia in their younger days (on their wedding day or in a military uniform) was a stark reminder that they hadn’t always been the old and confused person I met. There had been many chapters of their lives before this. They had worked and travelled, married and started families, experienced both world events and life's everyday joys. They deserved not just my respect, but a recognition of the full richness of their humanity.

I sometimes wonder how people will treat me as I become older. Will they take the time to ask me what I did or what my passions were?

When the Queen died, I thought how lucky she was that her healthcare staff and carers knew who she was and about the accomplishments she’d achieved throughout her life. Most people aren’t so lucky, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Even short exchanges can help healthcare professionals to find out more about the people they care for so that they can provide more person-centred, compassionate care. And we can all spread the word and encourage our colleagues to do this.

As the lead for hospital visits for students in their first two years of medical school, I want students to find out who the patient lying in the hospital bed really is. We encourage students to not only find out the reason for a patient’s admission but also the effects of their illness on life at home, their family, and their day-to-day activities (including work and hobbies). This helps students to understand firsthand that, by finding out who the person is, they can be more compassionate doctors and care for the patient more fully as an individual. Asking questions such as what family do they have, do or did they work, and what are their favourite things to do are small, simple ways to gain an insight. I’m hoping that one day, if they treat me, my students will remember to find out about me and my life before I became ill.

Unfortunately, the major barrier to this practice continuing into my students’ future careers as doctors is time. A busy shift can be the enemy of curiosity. And, like most of the things that a doctor would like to do more of, the habit of asking questions can be crowded out by a high workload and the time pressures of clinical work. This is a shame as finding out more about patients can diminish doctors’ sense of working in an impersonal system where care has become transactional and increase their fulfilment at work. Healthcare systems should make space for these interactions for both parties’ benefit, and senior healthcare workers should model them. Even if someone just occasionally has the time to do this then, believe me, it makes all the difference.